Chicken Advice

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Life X Toilet Paper

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Mother's Day 5/10

Actually, Mother's Day is on Sunday 5/10...But the idea is worth!

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Luv to B Married!!!

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Happy Labor Day!

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Schedule a Perfect Day

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Wi-Fi Alert!

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Isn't it Obvious?

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90th B-Day

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Wanna risk?

Guarded***

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Logically!

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How to teach taxes to your kids!

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Alcohol Won't!

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Shaving

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Respect your Parents

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It's your Choice!

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Boneless Chicken

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Senior's Discount

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Is it taking longer?

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TV Set Evolution

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Vet's Advice

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Like son, like Father

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Promisses

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Dead Romance

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Yoga

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If you Love something, Set if Free

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Smarphones: II

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Smartphones: I

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And what if Jesus...

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Guardian Angel

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Easy English....

Mas olha só que coisa mais fácil, I'm beasted!

Easy English....

TÃO SIMPLES E AINDA TEM GENTE QUE SE ENROLA COM ESSA LÍNGUA...

Visando facilitar o seu desenvolvimento intelectual, enviamos um curso de inglês rápido e fácil.

Em questão de minutos, você estará em ponto de bala para conversar com qualquer pessoa, no idioma inglês.

1 - Módulo básico:

Três bruxas olham três relógios Swatch. Qual bruxa olha qual relógio?

      

E agora em inglês:

Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watch which Swatch  watch?

      

2 - Módulo avançado:

Três bruxas travestidas olham os botões de três relógios Swatch. Qual bruxa travestida olha os botões de qual relógio Swatch?

Agora tudo em inglês e em voz alta:

Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch?

50 Shadows of...

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Pulled Over

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a
woman passed over a  bridge only to find a cop with a
radar gun on the other side lying in  wait. The cop
pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that
classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked,
"What's your hurry?" 

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what
do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.


The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And
just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

" Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger,
then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then
four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to
side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly
but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot
asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a
bridge." she responded.

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on Cop's face.......... PRICELESS

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How Countries Deal with Problems

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Three Wishes

Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the genie. The Canadian says,'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada ' POOF! With the blink of the genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming. The muslim was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.' POOF! Again, with the blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries. The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.' The genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.' The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says,  'Fill it with water.’ Source/Fonte: Received by email Image/Imagem: Google Images Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable) Is it your copyright? Please see here.

Rubbish Collector

A rubbish collector is driving along a street picking up the wheelie  bins and emptying them into his compactor.

He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin,
he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks, but there's no answer.

Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder.

Eventually a Japanese man comes to the door.

"Harro!" says the Japanese man.
"Gidday, mate!  "Where's ya bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toiret," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.
"No ! No ! Mate, Where's your dust bin?"
"I dust been to toiret, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me. I mean, Where's your wheelie bin?'"
"OK, OK. " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and  whispers in the collector's ear. "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!"

Car Horn

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Airport Warning TEL AVIV, Israel

TEL AVIV, Israel - The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners.

It's an armured booth you step into, that will not X-ray you but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling.

It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.

Shortly thereafter, an announcement:

"Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is pleased to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London . Shalom!"

BRILLIANT -

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The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A  Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated  him out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf.  That was the  reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido  would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in  court.

When  the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he  takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

The  Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."

The  lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the  money?"

Guido  signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." 

The lawyer tells  the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are  talking  about."

The  Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him  again or I'll kill him!"

The  lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell  him."

Guido  trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase,  buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The  Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The  lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the  trigger."

Don't you just love Lawyers !!!

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Some days are bad...Others...

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